One of the books I am consuming is by Nona Jones, titled Killing Comparison: Reject the Lie that you Aren’t Good Enough and Live Confident in Who God Made you to Be. I’ve shared below 5 tips that I derived from the book, that can help you in the journey of becoming a more confident leader.

"Insecurity uses other people as the measuring stick for our worth"

1. Clarify your Values:  When was the last time you clarified or reviewed your values? What is it that fundamentally drives your self-worth? Unlike fleeting achievements or external validation, anchoring self-esteem in enduring values and personal purpose can significantly reduce the tendency to compare yourself unfavorably with others. Even when your circumstances change, your values and sense of purpose can offer a beacon to enable you to find your footing anew.

2. Create Personal Benchmarks: How do you measure your success? Instead of measuring success against others, it is important to set personal goals and benchmarks based on your own capabilities and ambitions. This helps maintain focus on personal growth and achievements without the distraction of comparing with your peers. It’s tempting to compare, but unless the goal is to encourage yourself to learn from others, yield not to that temptation.

3. Cultivate Self-Awareness: If you have been following me for any amount of time you’ve likely heard me talk about self-awareness as the beginning of all wisdom…ok maybe not ALL, but definitely, an imperative for self-knowledge and growth. When you develop a keen understanding of where you stand right now as far as your strengths and weaknesses, you are better situated to appreciate your unique contributions and the qualities that define you. Assessments, especially those that involve assessing yourself and being assessed by others —that is, 360 assessments, serve the purpose of enabling you to know thyself, to become aware of even some of the gifts that you may not be as conscious about that others can see in you.

4. Cultivate Mindful Social Media Engagement: You and I know that social media can often amplify feelings of inadequacy through constant exposure to curated success stories. You see your peers’ filtered photos, showing where they’ve been, what they’ve done, what they’ve accomplished, and you get that feeling that perhaps, you are not doing quite as well. As leaders (and really, as human beings), it is so important to cultivate mindful engagement with these platforms. We need focus on authentic interactions and limite exposure to content that triggers comparison. And remind ourselves that most everyone posts only the best…not the rest.

5. Cultivate Self-Compassion: Are you kind to yourself or overly self-critical?  Be kind to yourself. Growth is a process, perfection an unrealistic goal. To quote the Dalai Lama, if you want others to be happy, practice compassion; if you want to be happy, practice compassion. By cultivating self-compassion, you can retrain your brain to focus not on the imperfections that comparisons trigger, but rather, on the qualities, gifts, and superpowers you hold within. Self-compassion is a more effective way to motivate yourself that self-criticism—one is fueled by love, the other by fear.

If these resonate with you, feel free to forward the email to others. In the meantime, if I can be of help to you or your organization through coaching, training, mentoring or keynote speaking, don't hesitate to reach out.